


Spark

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:14:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: After 10 years together, their relationship has fallen into a rut, and Remus decides to see if he can rekindle the spark.





	Spark

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2004.

They were less than three months away from their tenth anniversary when Remus realized they had fallen into a rut. He and Severus weren't legally married, of course, and they hadn't had any kind of unofficial ceremony; neither of them were the type to want or need a wedding to affirm their commitment.

After the first year, they moved in together. Minerva had kindly but firmly explained that Remus' presence could cause problems for the school if the parents learnt a werewolf lived in the castle, and so they rented a flat at first, having agreed that if they didn't do well sharing quarters, it would be easier to end things that way. 

After two years, they bought a small house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, and they discussed the idea of wearing wedding rings. At that point, they had smoothed out the rough edges, and while neither of them had said it in so many words, they knew they had both come to see the relationship as being of the "until death do us part" variety. The rings, as Severus put it, would be a way to send a "hands-off" message to others. That he said so while worming his hand beneath Remus' robes had made Remus laugh. 

"There's only one person with hands-on privileges," Remus said.

"Damn right," Severus growled, and then he had taken Remus' cock in his mouth, and the conversation was over for the time being. 

During year three, they bought rings -- plain gold bands that they caught each other staring at on their hands during the first month of wearing them. They were still having passionate sex then. Remus remembered seeing Severus' ring glinting in the sunlight, shiny and new, while Remus made love to him in the garden. Severus had been tending his small herb garden, and Remus remembered going outside and being intoxicated by the heat, the scent of the warm, rich earth, and Severus' sun-pinkened cheeks. Severus still grew his own herbs, but they hadn't made love in the garden in years. 

They had, in fact, settled into a routine when it came to sex: the Saturday night shag, as Remus privately called it. Part of that was his responsibility; he was usually the initiator when it came to sex. Severus did occasionally, when the mood struck him, seducing Remus at unexpected times and places; Remus had fond memories of the kitchen counter and the bathroom sink thanks to Severus' sneak attacks. He couldn't remember the last time Severus had approached him, but he had been lax about initiating as well. 

He thought perhaps it had begun because of Severus having to bring work home with him, or because he came home tired and cranky some nights, not in the mood to be social. Over the years, they had somehow reached an unspoken agreement not to have sex Monday through Friday nights; instead, Severus spent the evenings marking papers and exams or reading, and Remus read or listened to Quidditch on the wireless in the kitchen where the noise wouldn't disturb Severus. On Saturday night, they went upstairs together, undressed, had sex, and went to sleep. It was a familiar and predictable routine at this point, and Remus was beginning to find it boring as well. It had been a gradual change; if asked, he couldn't have pinpointed when they had stopped pouncing on each other at every given opportunity and started skipping sex in favor of a good book or going to bed at a reasonable hour. 

Remus examined himself with a critical eye in the full length mirror in their bedroom. He was ashamed to realize that his habitual wardrobe these days consisted of a pair of baggy sweatpants, a too-big sweatshirt, thick socks, or loose robes that hid the weight he'd gained. _Hardly the kind of attire conducive to seduction_ , he thought. That there had been a time when they could have been wearing sackcloth and they still would have found each other irresistible only made him more depressed. Was it the loss of youthful hormones that caused the change? Should he chalk it up to another sign of aging, or was it simply that they were too familiar with each other now, and the passion that had once flared so hot and intense between them had burnt down to a mere glow of embers?

With a sigh, he stared at himself again. His hair was almost completely grey. He raked his fingers through it, pushing it back from his face impatiently. He could do with a haircut, too, he thought, grimacing at his own carelessness with his appearance. Then he peeled off his sweatshirt and looked at himself appraisingly. He had just turned forty-eight, which meant he wasn't a young man any longer, but thanks to the wizard blood from his father's side, he had another ten years or so before he could be considered middle aged, thus he had no excuse for letting himself get podgy. Comfortable living had taken its toll: a rounder face, a double chin, and padding around his middle. 

He couldn't do anything about the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, but he could fix everything else with a little effort, and he resolved to begin dieting and exercising the very next day. Every morning after Severus went to work, Remus did sit-ups and push-ups on the bedroom floor, and he jogged up and down the stairs. He also started taking long walks after lunch, keeping his pace brisk. Within a month, he could see a difference. His arms and legs were firmer, and his stomach wasn't quite so squishy. He wasn't rippling with muscles, but he wasn't striving for that anyway; he wanted to lose some weight and tone up a bit, and he continued his routine with more enthusiasm than before now that he was seeing results. 

After two months, he decided it was time for further changes, and he put away the sweatpants and sweatshirts, trading them in for jeans that he hadn't been able to wear in a good three or four years and shirts that weren't baggy and concealing. He also tried a coloring charm on his hair. He didn't get rid of the grey entirely, just brought back some of the brown, and he was pleased with the results. He looked in the mirror and liked what he saw; his body matched his spirit again, and he felt like his old self -- mischievousness, lusty urges and all. 

That night, he wore his jeans and left his shirt unbuttoned all the way down the front, and instead of settling on the couch with a book after dinner, he sauntered over to where Severus sat at his desk, marking essays. He curved his arms around Severus' shoulders, nuzzling his cheek against the top of Severus' head. 

"What is it?" Severus asked, pausing in his work. 

"You look grumpy." Remus nosed Severus' hair aside and traced his ear with the tip of his tongue and then bit the lobe lightly. "I thought I might cheer you up." 

"Later. I'm busy right now." 

"One hour." Remus caressed his chest and gave him a squeeze before standing up straight again. "You get one more hour to work. I'll be waiting for you upstairs." 

He didn't stay to hear Severus' response; instead, he hurried upstairs to their bedroom, stripped off his clothes, and hopped into bed. He spent the first five minutes fidgeting restlessly, and so he picked up the book he'd left on the bedside table and began to read in order to keep himself from glancing at the clock every few minutes. When he emerged from the world of the novel again, it was nearly two hours later, and still Severus hadn't come upstairs. With a rueful sigh, Remus closed his book, turned off the light, and settled in for sleep. He was disappointed, but undaunted; he would simply have to try again the following night with a more direct approach.

He didn't expect Severus to mention the night before, and Severus didn't. Remus let it pass; Severus would make up for it that night, if Remus had anything to say about it. He had plans, oh yes, plans that Severus wouldn't be able to avoid so easily. That night, as Severus sat at his desk again, Remus approached and wrapped both arms around him again, bypassing the nuzzling this time and diving straight in to unfastening his robes and trailing little nipping kisses along his neck. 

"Remus, what in Merlin's name are you doing?" Severus's tone was one of exasperation rather than arousal, but Remus ignored it in favor of nibbling Severus' earlobe instead. 

"At your age, you should know exactly what I'm doing," he said, slipping his hands beneath Severus' robes to caress his bare skin, but Severus grabbed his wrists to stop him. 

"I know what you're doing," Severus replied impatiently. "The question is why." 

Remus peered around at Severus quizzically. "I need a reason to seduce you? That's new. I always thought 'you're breathing' was good enough."

"Why now? You can see I'm busy." 

"You could take a break." 

"I don't want to take a break! I want to finish what I'm doing. Some of us _do_ have work to do, you know," Severus snapped, and Remus released him immediately and stepped back. 

"It isn't my fault," he said quietly. "I've tried. You know I have. Just because the laws were repealed doesn't mean anyone is any more eager to hire a werewolf than they were before." 

Severus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I wasn't blaming you for anything. It isn't as if you have to work. My income is sufficient to support us both." 

"That isn't the point." Remus went to the couch and dropped down wearily. "I'd work if I could. Being a house-husband isn't exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but I don't have a choice, so I try to make the best of it." 

"Then what is the point?" Severus twisted in his chair to look at Remus, his expression one of half-annoyance and half-curiosity. 

"No point." Remus reached for a throw pillow and wrapped both arms around it, clutching it to his chest. "I wanted to see if you were interested in going to bed with me tonight. Apparently not." 

"Any other time, I would," Severus said, his tone softening a little, as if he realized how harsh his refusal had been. "You know I don't like interruptions when I have papers to mark." 

Remus looked at him, responses crowding on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to say, "There was a time when you would have set all that aside for me. For us." But he didn't. Instead he nodded and leaned his cheek on the pillow, holding it tighter. "Yes, I know." 

Severus went back to his papers, but he didn't pick up his quill. After a minute or two of silence, he twisted in his chair and looked at Remus. "What is going on? You've tried this for two nights in a row."

"I told you what I wanted," he answered softly. "I wanted you to go to bed with me, that's all. No agendas, no hidden motives. Just sex." He smiled, although there was no amusement in it. "I thought we might take a walk on the wild side and have sex on a night other than Saturday for once."

Severus' mouth thinned into a harsh line. "Are you saying you're bored with the way things are?"

"Yes, I am." Remus toyed with the tassel on one corner of the pillow. "Surely you've noticed we've fallen into a predictable rut. Aren't you tired of it, too? Wouldn't you like to have a night like those we used to have? When we shagged in the kitchen at two o'clock in the morning after eating ice cream off each other? It doesn't even have to be that extreme -- just a little variation on the routine would be nice."

"What do you expect, for Merlin's sake?" Severus shot him a look of pure astonishment. "We've been together for ten years. You can't honestly expect that kind of passion to sustain itself for so long." 

"No, but there's nothing that says we can't try to rekindle it," Remus said, his hopes plummeting. Out of all the ways he'd imagined his seduction scenario ending, Severus turning him down hadn't been among them. It hadn't once occurred to him that Severus might not be as interested in livening up their sex life as he was, and the revelation surprised and disappointed him. 

"Relationships change, Remus, and priorities change," Severus said curtly, turning back to his papers once again. "You can't expect things to be like they were when we were younger." 

"No. You're right, of course." Putting the pillow aside, he stood and smiled slightly, pushing down the disappointment and embarrassment at war inside him. "I think I'll go to bed early tonight." 

"Remus..."

"Good night, Severus." 

He went through the motions of changing into his old plaid flannel pajamas, feeling as if he'd been hit with a stunning spell that worked on his mind instead of his body. Turning back the covers, he crawled into bed and curled up on his side with the blankets pulled up to his chin. He closed his eyes and tried to relax so he could fall asleep, but the sting of rejection was too fresh, and he was still awake when Severus came upstairs some time later. 

He lay still and pretended to be asleep, listening to Severus undress and prepare for bed, hoping that his ruse would work. But as soon as Severus slid into bed with him, Remus felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"I know you're not asleep," Severus said. 

Remus considered faking a snore, but he figured it was too late for that. 

"It isn't that I don't desire you anymore," Severus continued, and Remus listened quietly, his throat tightening. "I do. However, as I said earlier, you can't expect things to be like they once were. It doesn't mean our feelings for one another have changed."

"I know." 

"Good." 

Spooning up behind him, Severus draped one arm across his waist and buried his nose against the nape of Remus' neck; Remus could feel him relaxing as he drifted off, but Remus lay awake for hours longer, a steel band constricting around his heart. 

The one good thing to come out of the conversation was that it motivated Remus to begin job searching again. He had given up over the past two or three years, disheartened by hearing the same thing every time: "Well, you're a fine candidate for the job, but I don't think our customers (or staff or sometimes both) would be comfortable working in such close proximity to a werewolf." And that was the response he got when they were trying to be diplomatic and polite. The next morning, however, he picked up the _Daily Prophet_ when Severus had finished reading it over breakfast and opened it to the classified section, circling anything that seemed to be a likely prospect. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Taking up job hunting again," he said, not looking up at Severus. 

"I'd no idea you were so unfulfilled here at home. I thought you were happy," Severus said, his brows snapping together in a frown. 

"I'd accepted the way things were and was reasonably content, but no, I haven't been happy lately," Remus replied, circling another ad, this one for part-time evening hours at Slugger & Jiggs. Laying his quill down, he looked up at last, peering at Severus over the top of his reading glasses. "I'm not cut out to be a housewife, Severus. I don't knit or can vegetables, and there's only so much dusting I can do before I run mad. I want to work and feel like I'm doing something useful, even if it's just contributing a few galleons to our account. It's up to me to make what changes I can to make myself happy. I don't expect someone else to do it for me." 

"You seem to be making quite a few changes," Severus said, his voice icing over. "Are there any other changes you intend to make that I should be aware of?"

"What do you mean?" Remus frowned at him, puzzled. 

"I mean, while you're making all these changes in your quest to bring happiness into your life at long last, does that include escorting me out of it in favor of someone else?" 

"What?" He gaped at Severus, momentarily stunned into silence, and then he shook his head vehemently. "No -- no, there's no one else. I've been making these changes for us -- for myself and for you. I don't want anyone else."

"You just said you've been unhappy."

"With having nothing to do," Remus explained patiently. "With the routine our lives -- mine especially -- have fallen into. I'm tired of being complacent about the way things are, that's all. I'm not unhappy with _you_." 

Severus stared at him, his expression closed and unreadable, and then he rose to his feet and stalked out of the kitchen without another word, and a minute later, Remus heard the front door slam. He slumped in his chair with a weary sigh and pushed the paper aside. He'd been trying to make things better, yet somehow, he had made them worse. It should have occurred to him that perhaps Severus was happy with the way things were, but it hadn't. Still, the fact remained that Remus wasn't happy, and he had a right to make whatever changes he could to improve his situation. 

If Severus was content with their sex life, so be it. Remus would focus on the other areas of his life, the things that he could change. That afternoon, he dressed in his nicest robes and began visiting the shops and businesses that had an open position, filling out applications and setting up interviews. Even if nothing came of it, at least he was trying again, and perhaps one day, he would have some luck. 

When Severus returned home that night, they had a stiff conversation over dinner about Remus' job hunt, and afterward, they retired to separate rooms. Severus was still angry, and Remus was still in shock and disappointed, and they didn't need to talk about anything beyond "how was your day?" until things settled down a bit. Days passed, and the interviews went as Remus expected they would, but still he looked in the paper once or twice per week and went off to try again. Hearing about the repeated rejections, Severus thawed, his anger softened by his indignation on Remus' behalf, and soon they weren't sleeping with their backs to each other anymore. 

Still, nothing was said about their sex life, and Remus swallowed his disappointment and put on his calm face, determined to be satisfied with the way things were. Severus did still desire him; he had said so, and that, at least, was something. But one morning, he stared in the mirror at his thinner face, and suddenly, it all seemed to come crashing down on him in a giant wave of apathy. With a quiet sigh, he lowered his razor and then put it away, his face unshaven. He just didn't feel like it, and it didn't matter anyway. He needed a day off from thinking about job possibilities and wondering if a sex toy of some kind might spark Severus' interest. He needed a day off from caring. 

He put on a pair of ancient, ripped jeans and a faded pullover that had seen far better days, and he skipped exercising in favor of lounging on the couch all day, reading when he wasn't sleeping until it was time to make dinner. Naturally, it was when he looked scruffy and grungy that Severus came into the kitchen after work and wrapped his arms around Remus' waist from behind as he stood at the counter, peeling a potato, and Remus flinched away, a little angry, a little raw, and definitely not in the mood for once. 

"I didn't mean to startle you," Severus murmured in his ear, and Remus breathed a sigh of relief that Severus had mistaken his reaction, but he felt his mask in danger of slipping when Severus rubbed his cheek against Remus' and pulled him close. "Are you trying to seduce me again?"

"Yes. I thought I would try the 'old clothes covered with vegetable bits' look. I heard it was hot." 

Severus' chuckle was warm and rich against his ear, and he fought to repress a shiver. "I mean the beard stubble. You know I like it." 

Remus gripped the handle of his knife tighter, silently damning himself. He did know, but he'd forgotten. He didn't remember the last time he'd drawn his stubbled cheek along Severus' flesh, leaving a burn mark if he rubbed hard, the way Severus liked. "I didn't feel like shaving, that's all." 

"Lucky for me." 

"Mm." Remus kept his eyes on the potato, slicing it with more force than was entirely necessary -- and then Severus nipped his earlobe and slid one hand beneath his pullover, caressing his bare stomach, and he gasped, nearly dropping the knife. 

"It isn't a good idea to do things like that when I have a knife in my hand," he said, forcing himself to keep his voice light. His body was responding, his cock stirring with interest at the prospect of sex, and he was more than a little tempted to go along with whatever Severus planned to do. But his pride reminded him that this unexpected display likely didn't stem from genuine desire. Severus had probably been thinking about their conversation over the past few days and decided he ought to make an effort to liven up their sex life in order to make Remus feel better.

"You could put the knife down." 

"I'm in the middle of making dinner."

"It can wait. We'll satisfy another hunger first."

"But it isn't Saturday night yet."

Shit.

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to bite them back, but it was too late. It was one of the rare occasions when his tongue had got away with him, and he could feel Severus stiffen and pull away from him, his arms falling from around Remus' waist. 

"I'm sorry," Remus said. "I didn't mean..." He trailed off, not knowing how to finish. He didn't know what he meant, only that Severus trying to seduce him now made him feel equal parts angry and guilty. If he hadn't said something, it wouldn't have happened. Severus would have come home and settled in the parlor until dinner was ready; he wouldn't have come into the kitchen and tried to coax Remus into bed, and Remus knew it. He didn't want Severus to do it like this, out of obligation or guilt.

"I don't understand what's going on with you. First, you tart yourself up like some middle-aged fool trying to recapture his lost youth, then you complain that we're not having sex often enough, and then you turn me down. I'm starting to think I can't do anything right with you anymore."

Remus stared at him, the impact of Severus' words hitting in a solid blow to his chest, and then anger flared within him, bright and hot, and he glared at Severus. "I have my pride, Severus. I'm not going to be anyone's pity fuck, especially not my own partner's. If you're not interested in sex anymore, then just say so and have done with it. I'd rather go without than wonder every time if you're just doing it out of some obligation to me." 

"Where in Merlin's name did you get the idea that I'm no longer interested in sex?"

"Well, what else am I supposed to think?" Remus retorted. "You made it clear that you don't give a damn what I look like anymore, that none of my 'tarting up'," he added, his tone scathing, "is of any interest or enticement." 

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes, it is." Remus set the knife on the counter and crossed his arms, still frowning. "I can accept that things change, and that our passion for each other might have tempered from what it was in the beginning, but that doesn't explain why every signal you're sending says that you don't want me at all anymore. I tried to make myself desirable to you again, but it didn't work, and now I don't know what to do except give up." 

"You said that you wanted to break the routine. You said you wanted to have sex on a night other than Saturday. I am initiating sex on a Tuesday night. Now will you kindly tell me what is wrong? How am I not doing what you wanted?"

Remus opened his mouth and then closed it again. He didn't know how to explain it; he wasn't even sure himself, and he was too tired of fighting to try. "You're right. This is what I said I wanted." Mustering a smile, he reached out and clasped Severus' hand. "Let's go upstairs."

Once they were in the bedroom, Remus reached to unfasten the row of buttons on Severus' robes, but Severus pushed Remus' hands away. "I'll do it," he said gruffly. 

Lowering his hands, Remus watched him unfasten the buttons quickly and efficiently, as if he wanted to get the task over and done with. Was that how he felt about sex as well? How long had it been since they had taken pleasure in undressing each other slowly? When had it become a chore?

"But I like undressing you," he murmured, more to himself than to Severus. 

He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, his throat clogging as he thought of the times when they had been so desperate for each other that they hadn't even bothered getting fully undressed sometimes, or they had popped buttons and ripped seams in their eager haste. He remembered the times when they turned off all the lights and undressed each other by moonlight, kissing and caressing each other's skin as they bared it slowly, in no hurry as they feasted on each other with eyes and hands and mouths. 

Severus stopped on the verge of shrugging out of his robes and glanced at Remus. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Remus bent to pull off his socks. His heart might have reservations, but his body had already begun responding to the mere thought of sex with Severus, and his cock apparently had no interest in partaking of the emotional angst. 

Afterward, he lay beside Severus, staring up at the ceiling, feeling empty and lonely for the first time in nearly ten years. His body was sated, but the sex had been as impersonal as if they were strangers; there was no sense of connection, and Remus missed that keenly. If this was the price of change, it wasn't worth it. He wanted to go back to the way things were. It was dull and predictable, yes, but it didn't feel like _this_. He felt ridiculous, like the middle-aged fool Severus had accused him of being, and all he wanted to do was forget it had ever happened. 

Humiliation burned in his chest until he could no longer stand it, and he rolled out of bed, wrapping his shirt around his waist to cover himself as he retrieved his jeans and a pair of clean underpants, and then he retreated to the bathroom to draw himself a nearly-scalding hot bath. Severus was still dozing in bed when he emerged from the bathroom, his skin bright pink and stinging, and he went back downstairs alone to finish making dinner even though his appetite was gone. 

The next morning after Severus left for work, he went to the wardrobe and retrieved the shopping bag he had stashed there a few days prior. Inside was a pair of dark blue silk pajama bottoms; they would have ridden low on his hips and emphasized his newly firm muscles, and he'd intended to wear them for Severus. Instead, he threw the bag away. The thrifty side of him knew he should have returned the pajamas instead, but he didn't want to look at them again. Even more, he didn't want to go back to the shop with his receipt in hand and make up some excuse for asking for his money back to avoid admitting that his partner had no interest in seeing him wear anything sexy. 

Pulling out his wand, he stared resolutely into the full length mirror as he dispelled the coloring charm on his hair, watching as the grey returned in all its glory. He put away his jeans and brought out the baggy sweatpants, oversized sweatshirts, loose robes, and thick socks again. If Severus noticed that Remus' hair was back to its former level of greyness that afternoon, he didn't comment, and Remus didn't bother pointing it out. He continued to watch his weight and exercise because he felt better and more energetic when he did, but he took no other pains with his appearance, and he returned to his evening routine of reading or listening to Quidditch alone in the kitchen, valiantly resisting the stash of chocolate frogs under the sink after he'd already treated himself to one, and at night, he stopped trying to entice Severus by sleeping only in his underpants and wore his pajamas buttoned all the way up.

On Saturday night, Severus closed his book a little after nine o'clock, the time when they usually went upstairs together. Remus heard him, but he kept his attention focused on his own book. He had curled up on one end of the couch with his knees drawn up as a prop for his book, and if he kept his head down, he could avoid making eye contact. He wasn't angry anymore, merely tired and still raw from the Tuesday night fiasco, and he knew he wasn't up to going through the motions of sex that night. 

"Are you coming upstairs?" Severus asked at last. 

"No." 

"You have a headache?" Severus' tone was sardonic, and Remus sighed, knowing this wasn't making things any better between them, but he couldn't go through that again just for the sake of physical release, not when wanking would give him the same result without the sense of cold emptiness accompanying it. Maybe when he was younger, he could have, but not now, not after he had learnt what it felt like to connect with someone while making love.

"No. I simply don't want to." 

"Are you punishing me? Is that it?" Severus sounded angry now, and Remus looked up at him at last, not bothering to hide the weariness in his own expression. 

"No, Severus. This isn't about punishing you. I just don't want to fuck tonight." He turned his gaze back to his book again, looking at it without really seeing it. He half-expected some kind of explosion or sarcastic retort, but instead there was only silence, and after a moment, Severus sat down and picked up his book again without saying another word. 

They fell back into old patterns after that; their conversations at meals gradually became easy and comfortable again, and their evenings together were quiet. Remus left Severus alone to do what he wanted or needed to do. Occasionally, he went to the Three Broomsticks for a beer after dinner, or he Floo'd to Diagon Alley to browse the bookshop or to meet a friend for drinks at the Leaky Cauldron -- usually Harry, Hermione, Tonks, or Kingsley -- and he made an effort to keep in touch with more regularity. He also continued looking for a job at least once a week, and he brought up the possibility to Severus of looking for employment among Muggles. Severus had raised one eyebrow and given him a dubious look, but didn't protest or argue. 

After the second Saturday night rolled around and Remus gently refused, Severus stopped asking. The trickle that had been their sex life dried up completely, but Remus wasn't yet ready to do anything about it. It wasn't that he no longer desired Severus, but he couldn't think about the last time they'd had sex without cringing, and the possibility that it might be like that again made his libido wither. Sometimes, he noticed Severus watching him with a speculative look in his dark eyes, as if he was deep in thought, but when he noticed Remus had caught him, he glanced away and said nothing. 

On the morning of their tenth anniversary, Severus didn't mention the occasion before leaving for work, and neither did Remus. He had a gift just in case; it was hidden in his sock drawer if he needed it, but if Severus forgot, he would save it for Severus' birthday. He didn't want Severus to think he was finding fault or growing dissatisfied again. Things were fine; he'd made enough changes to bring some excitement back into his life. He was close to happy, and that was good enough. 

That afternoon, he was in the middle of preparing dinner -- some of Severus' favorite dishes -- when Severus arrived home from work. The wireless was on, and he hummed quietly to the latest release by the Raving Gnomes as he chopped and sliced vegetables. He didn't stop what he was doing to greet Severus, expecting him to do what he always did after work: go straight to his desk, unpack his attache case, and mark essays until Remus fetched him for dinner. Thus he was startled when Severus strode into the kitchen and plucked the knife from his hand. 

"Put that away." 

"What?" He half-turned to look at Severus, puzzled. "But I'm making dinner." 

"It'll keep. We're going out tonight." 

"We are?" 

"Yes." Severus nudged him towards the door none too gently. "Go and change clothes. I'll clean this up."

Surprised and puzzled in equal measures, Remus went upstairs and changed into a set of his nicer robes, debating whether this meant he should slip the anniversary present into his pocket. Had Severus remembered? He hadn't said they were going out to celebrate their anniversary, and although the timing was amazingly coincidental, Remus still didn't want to assume anything. In the end, he left it in the sock drawer and went downstairs to find Severus waiting for him in the parlor. They took the Floo to Diagon Alley, and then Severus guided Remus to a small, out-of-the-way restaurant on a side street near Fortesque's. It was quieter and more up-scale than the Leaky Cauldron, and Remus liked it immediately. 

When they arrived, he and Severus were shown to a small table in a secluded corner. The table was covered with a pristine white linen tablecloth, and a white candle in a brass holder sat in the center, casting a golden, flickering glow over the table. They sat down, and as soon as they had made their selections and their orders were taken, Severus reached across the table and rested his hand on Remus' arm, caressing it as he gazed at Remus intently. 

Remus froze. He couldn't remember the last time Severus had touched him like that, especially in public. Once upon a time, they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and they'd had to cut meals short in order to run off and shag, but casual intimate touching had fallen by the wayside over the years as well. Oh, Merlin. This wasn't about the anniversary. Severus was trying to break something to him, something bad. Maybe Severus was leaving him. 

"You look like you're expecting me to smack you with a rolled up newspaper."

"You're touching me."

"Yes." Severus caught Remus' hand between both of his own and stroked the back of it with his fingertips, and Remus was torn between panic that he was about to be dumped and oozing into a puddle of aroused goo in his chair. "I've been thinking about our recent disagreement." 

_Breathe_ , Remus reminded himself. _Just keep breathing_. "And?"

"And I haven't been doing my part to help solve the problem. I intend to rectify that."

Remus fought the urge to sag with relief that Severus didn't intend to leave him. "Severus, if it isn't a problem for you, then you don't have to help solve it," he said quietly. 

"It is a problem for me when my partner, whom I do desire whether he believes it or not, no longer wants to sleep with me."

Remus glanced down. "It isn't that I don't want to," he said. "But the last time was so -- empty. It seemed like you were going through the motions for my sake, not because you really wanted to. You wouldn't even let me undress you. I don't want it to be like that again." 

"It won't be." Severus laced their fingers and gave Remus' a squeeze, and Remus looked up at him, searching his face closely. 

"I don't understand," he said at last. "What brought this on?"

"I felt you withdrawing, and it gave me a much-needed jolt. I realized I had been taking you for granted, and that was an error that could have cost me dearly." 

Remus stared at him, shocked; that was the closest Severus had come to apologizing about anything in the ten years they had been together. "Severus, I wasn't withdrawing, I just--"

But Severus pressed a finger to his lips. "Promise me that when we get home, you'll put those damned flannel pajamas in the bin. They belong there, not the silk."

"You found the silk?"

Severus nodded. "I noticed the bag and pulled it out of the bin to see if it was indeed from the shop I thought it was from." He paused, a tiny, wry smile quirking one corner of his mouth. "I was jealous and suspicious until I noticed there was something in the bag."

"I bought them for you to see, not anyone else."

"I want to see them. Tonight." 

"That can be arranged."

"Good." Severus pushed Remus' sleeve up and stroked the inside of his wrist, and Remus swallowed hard, shifting restlessly in his seat as the heat of arousal kindled within him. 

"Why did we stop doing this? How did it happen?" He reached out with his free hand and caressed the back of Severus' hand, smoothing the fine dark hairs. 

"You mentioned complacency at some point," Severus said, his fingertips still circling Remus' inner wrist, and Remus struggled to concentrate on what he was saying. "I think that had much to do with it. We grew comfortable with our lives and with each other, and we stopped making any extra effort to keep the passion alive." He paused and then shook his head. "It was ridiculous that matters reached this point. I should have been appreciative when you began making changes in order to attract my attention." 

"Why weren't you?"

"Pride. At first, I thought perhaps you were doing it for someone else. Then when you told me that it was for us, instead of being grateful, my pride was stung. I thought you were telling me in an indirect way that I was inadequate. That I wasn't capable of satisfying you any longer. I saw all the changes you were making in your life, and it... concerned me."

Remus nodded, finally understanding. "You aren't inadequate. It was just as much my fault that our sex life became routine. I wanted to do something about it, that's all. I missed the passion we shared. I missed how I once felt like you couldn't get enough of me any more than I could get enough of you. I was afraid you'd grown bored with me." 

"Idiot." Severus' tone was affectionate, and Remus chuckled softly. 

"Stubborn bastard." His mischievous streak flared, and he clasped Severus' hand, lifting it to his mouth; meeting and holding Severus' gaze, he kissed Severus' knuckles -- and then drew Severus' forefinger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before releasing it and lowering Severus' hand to the table again. 

The waiter arrived with their food then, and Severus stared at his plate blankly, as if he wasn't certain what to do with it. "It isn't often that I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong," he said carefully, and Remus snorted. 

"After ten years, you think this is news to me?" 

"Shut up. I'm trying to confess." 

"In that case, I'm all ears." 

Severus shot him an annoyed glare before continuing. "I was wrong." 

"About what?"

"Everything I said about passion not sustaining itself and relationships changing and priorities not remaining the same..."

"Yes?" Remus leaned forward on his elbows, listening. 

"Utter rot. I'd go under the table and suck you here and now if the damned tablecloth wasn't so short."

Remus cleared his throat and picked up his fork, all coherent thought shoved out of his mind by the image of Severus kneeling at his feet and taking his cock in his mouth. "Well. I did say I thought our passion could be rekindled." 

"As much as it pains me to say the words, you were right." 

They ate in silence for a few minutes, darting furtive, smoldering looks at each other across the table until Remus finally put his fork down and dropped his napkin on the table. "I'm stuffed."

Severus glanced at Remus' plate, which was still over half full, and then at his own nowhere-near-finished meal before placing his own knife and fork on the table. "As am I. The only thing I have room for is dessert. At home."

As soon as they were home with the door closed and locked behind them, Remus pushed Severus against the door and closed his mouth over Severus', his tongue demanding entrance; Severus parted his lips, sucking Remus' tongue greedily as he yanked at the fastenings of Remus' robes. It was a frantic, sloppy, desperate kiss punctuated by moans and panting and eagerly roving hands, and Remus couldn't remember a better kiss in his life. 

"The pajamas," Severus said after they finally parted. "You promised to wear them."

Remus bit lightly at Severus' lip, sliding his hands down to grope Severus' arse. "Where are they?"

"In the bedroom."

Nodding, he stepped back and, brushing one last kiss across Severus' mouth, he turned and headed upstairs; Severus was close behind him, fondling him along the way, and it was all Remus could do to keep moving and not shag him right there on the steps. Once they reached their bedroom, Severus opened one of his drawers and pulled out the dark silk garment, holding it out, and Remus took it, feeling the silk cool against his skin. It amazed him that Severus had rescued them from the bin; it stunned him that Severus wanted him to wear them. . 

He couldn't quite keep what he knew must be a foolish smile from curving his mouth as he went to change in the bathroom, and when he walked in, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and saw things that had been absent for far too long -- a happy smile, a lively sparkle in his eyes. He looked as besotted and randy as he felt. 

Stripping off all his clothes, he left them in a messy heap on the floor and wriggled into the pajama bottoms quickly, not wanting to waste a single moment. But when he returned to the bedroom, he paused in the doorway, feeling inexplicably shy; it was foolish, really, considering they were hardly new young lovers. But this was a fresh start for them in a sense, and after their recent difficulties, his ego was still a little raw. Resisting the urge to hitch up his waistband, he padded across the room and joined Severus by the window. 

Resting his hand on the curve of Remus' neck, Severus bent his head to brush his lips against Remus', and before their mouths met, Remus saw a gleam of desire in Severus' eyes that was familiar but had long been missing. Moaning, Remus parted his lips, inviting Severus to deepen the kiss, and Severus did, sealing his mouth over Remus' and slipping his tongue between Remus' lips. He was taking the initiative this time, and Remus let him, needing this reassurance after the hurts of the past few weeks. 

Caressing Remus' jawline with his thumb, Severus nuzzled Remus' cheek tenderly and then pulled back enough to meet Remus' gaze. He rested his hands on Remus' hips, tugging him closer, and rubbed Remus' hipbones with his thumbs. "I approve," he said, his voice low and silken. 

"I'm glad." Remus smiled and slid his hands along Severus' chest, fingering the fastenings of Severus' robes lightly. 

"Not just of these." Severus tugged at Remus' waistband. "All of it. Although I do prefer your hair like this," he said, combing his fingers through Remus' hair. "Silver is distinguished." 

"You don't think I'm a middle-aged fool trying to recapture his lost youth, then?" Remus cocked an eyebrow at him, and Severus grimaced. 

"No." 

"I was only trying to recapture you."

"I know." Severus leaned his forehead against Remus' and wound his arms around Remus' waist, drawing him close again; Remus looped his arms around Severus' neck and relaxed against him, closing his eyes as he savored the warmth and nearness. 

He sighed with contentment, but his sighs turned into moans when Severus began trailing kisses along his jaw and down his throat, and he tilted his head to one side, giving Severus better access as he reached for the fastenings of Severus' robes again. His fingers stroked each new expanse of bared skin, and soon touch wasn't enough; he bent his head and let his mouth follow the path of his fingers, running his tongue along Severus' collarbones and between his nipples, bestowing tiny kisses over every bit of skin he could reach while Severus stroked his back and hair. He could feel Severus' breath quickening, and he playfully lapped at one nipple and then backed away, grinning impudently at Severus, who glared. With an impatient huff, Severus shrugged out of his robes and let them fall to his feet, and Remus smiled lasciviously up at him as he rubbed his bare chest against Severus', moaning at the exquisite pleasure of skin-on-skin. 

"I see you haven't lost your tendency to tease," Severus said as he toed off his shoes and socks, his tone a mock-grumble, and Remus smiled and nuzzled his ear, letting one hand wander down to stroke Severus' cock through the fabric of his drawers, his smile widening when Severus sucked in a sharp breath at the caress. 

"You'd be disappointed if I had." Remus bit his earlobe and closed his fingers around Severus' cock, squeezing gently, and Severus moaned and thrust his hips against Remus' fist as he clutched Remus' shoulders. 

"I confess there has been a certain element lacking in our interaction." 

Remus stilled his hand for a moment, gazing up at Severus with a somber expression. "We're growing older, yes, but that doesn't mean we have to grow boring. There isn't any rule that says fun has to stop after a certain age." 

"No." Severus cupped Remus' cheek, stroking it gently with his thumb, and Remus leaned into the touch. "Although if you tried to tell certain people that I'm capable of having fun in any capacity, they wouldn't believe you." 

"Well, _I_ know, and that's all that matters." He brushed his lips against Severus', intended the kiss to be light and fleeting, but Severus captured his mouth, bringing him back for a deeper kiss, and Remus complied immediately, yielding to the kiss. 

Grasping his shoulders, Severus walked Remus backwards toward the bed and guided him down, and Remus went willingly, reaching up to pull Severus down with him so he could touch and taste and explore. But Severus caught his hands, stilling them, and then placed them on the pillow over Remus' head. "No. You tried to show me how much you still want me. Now let me show you how much I still want you." 

Remus stared up at him for a moment, wide-eyed, and then nodded, clasping his wrists as he watched Severus, still eager but also curious now about what his lover intended. Straddling his hips, Severus smoothed his flattened palms down Remus' chest from shoulder to waist and then retraced his path with just his fingertips, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth at the sight of Remus arching up to meet his hands. Bending his head, he flicked one nipple with his tongue, and Remus gasped sharply, clenching his hands around his wrists to keep from grabbing Severus. Moaning, he lifted his chest in a silent plea for more as Severus fastened his mouth over Remus' nipple, sucking, licking, and biting with increased roughness until Remus was squirming beneath him. 

Slowly, Severus began moving down Remus' body, teasing with kisses, soothing with broad swipes of his tongue, and Remus' breathing turned into shallow panting at the leisurely attention. It had been so long since they'd made love like this, and he closed his eyes and sucked in a ragged breath, savoring it. Every kiss fell like nourishing rain on his parched skin.

By the time Severus slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of Remus' pajamas, Remus was quivering with need, and he quickly lifted his hips to let Severus ease the garment down, his cock bobbing up as it was freed from its silken confines. Severus pulled the pajamas down and off and then tossed them over the side of the bed before kneeling between Remus' legs, stroking his inner thighs but never quite coming close enough to touch his cock. 

"Now who's the tease?" Remus asked, and Severus gave him a lofty smile -- right before he curled his hand around the base of Remus' cock and bent over to draw the head into his mouth. 

Remus cried out, his nails biting into the tender flesh of his inner wrists, and his hips jerked up as Severus swirled his tongue around the tip, lapping up the clear fluid and teasing the slit. Bending his knees, Remus let his legs fall open, and Severus rested his other hand on Remus' thigh, kneading it firmly as he sucked and wriggled his tongue along the underside of Remus' cock. Severus' mouth was a warm, wet sheath granting pure bliss, and Remus surrendered himself to the sensation, rocking his hips just enough to heighten the friction, feeling his body tighten and his balls drawing up as he neared orgasm. He threw his head back, his lips parted, but no sound came out; he was beyond speaking as molten pleasure pooled and then surged, and he was coming hard, Severus' tongue lapping at his softening cock as he worked to catch every drop. 

Crawling back up Remus' body, Severus braced himself on his hands and knees over Remus. "Well?" 

"Well what?" Remus reached up and tugged Severus down, nuzzling his face tenderly. 

"Are you convinced that I still desire you as much as I ever did?" 

"Well..." Smiling mischievously, Remus let go and twisted his body, turning onto his stomach without moving from beneath Severus. "Almost." Drawing his knees up, he lifted his hips and ground his arse against Severus' crotch, his moan echoing Severus' when he felt Severus' cock rubbing against him. 

"I should hate for you to have even a tiny doubt," Severus said as he sat up and stripped off his drawers and then reached for his wand, and Remus raised up on his hands and knees, offering himself up in Severus' favorite position. 

"No, we need to settle the matter once and for all," Remus agreed, gasping and wriggling with anticipation when he felt Severus tap his hip, the preparation spells immediately going into effect. He felt Severus' cock nudging his entrance, felt Severus easing into him, pushing deep, and he groaned, rocking back to meet Severus' thrust. "Oh, yes, that's very persuasive." 

Severus smoothed his hands up and down Remus' back, fingertips tracing the length of his spine as he began to move, thrusting slow and deep, and Remus moved with him, matching him easily. After ten years, their bodies were attuned to one another, and they slipped into a harmonious rhythm effortlessly. Reaching down, Severus closed his hand over Remus'; shifting his weight to rest on the other hand, Remus twined his fingers with Severus', lifting their joined hands to his chest. 

Above him, Severus began to thrust faster, driving into him harder, and Remus closed his eyes and squeezed Severus' hand, silently encouraging him. "So good," he murmured. "So good, Severus." He meant the sex, but more than just the sex; the sense of connection had returned, the sense that they were both _present_ and not just mechanically going through their routine. 

Severus pounded into him, his breathing harsh and ragged, and he squeezed Remus' hand painfully tight, letting out a hoarse cry as he surged deep one last time and came. A soft noise of disappointment escaped Remus as Severus eased out of him, but then Severus spooned up behind him after they lowered themselves slowly, their hands still joined, and Remus snuggled back against him.

"Better?" Severus asked quietly as they tangled their legs and relaxed in the aftermath. 

"Much." Remus drew Severus' arm more closely around himself. "Thank you, Severus." 

Nuzzling his nose against the back of Remus' neck, Severus gave him a light squeeze. "Don't thank me. I did nothing except finally open my eyes."

"Does this mean you're open to the idea of eating ice cream off each other and shagging in the kitchen now?" Remus asked, his tone innocent, but Severus' only response was a snort, and Remus closed his eyes and nestled closer, unable to keep from smiling even as sleep beckoned him. He was on the verge of drifting off when Severus spoke again softly, so softly that Remus could almost chalk it up to a dream. 

"Happy anniversary."


End file.
